4/9/2026
By the time this is posted the jig will be up!. I am THE best secret keeper. When I was pregnant with my son no one knew (outside of my circle ) until month 7! I didn't show very much so he was very easy to hide. When I was pregnant with my daughter, unless you happened to see me out and about, you didn't know about her until about a month after she arrived. Until recently, though I have always shared my creative endeavors with at minimum my Mother, Siblings and Best Friend. But it became clear to me a few months back that I just needed to shut up and do it. So I did and will continue too.
I have been a multifaceted creative since I can remember. I am HOBBIED DOWN ok !! Most folks who know me well, know this. SOO why I have been so afraid to present my art to the public I have no idea. So I decided that I would ease my way into doing just that. My first step (because of course I have a 1000 step plan ) was when I encountered other creatives that didn't really know me, I would tell them that I have a hoard of paintings and other art that I'm hiding from the world. This was low risk because I knew that they wouldn't judge me for it or tell me I'm insane sitting on “money” blah blah blah! Everytime, the conversations were so fruitful and we both ended up feeling really seen. The 2nd plan was to say YES and figure it out. I know this sounds so cliche and buzzy but it really worked.
Back in November, I walked into Open Works and was asked if I would be interested in applying to the 10 year anniversary exhibition. I immediately was like OMG this is a test to see if I will stand on my shit. Once they told me the theme, 2 ideas immediately popped in my head so I knew it was meant to be. Did I apply as soon as I got home? NO. Did I wait till the last minute to apply because of negative self talk? Hell yea lol I turned it in 2 days before it was due. It was late but I was commited. I continued my commitment to secrecy as well, not even telling my mother which was very hard. So many times I wanted to spill the beans, send a picture, ask for an opinion. But, it truly was best to keep this to only my eye and critique, no outside influence. I needed to do this to rewire my brain and let her know “we can do hard scary things” .
The journey to the show has been a roller coaster of emotions. Emotions I feel dramatic for feeling. I'm so happy I followed through though because I'm very proud of my work. Many things flowed through my mind as I was creating. Like am I just crafting(which has such a negative connotation that I want to explore in a later entry), no one is going to show up for me, folks will think this is amature and stupid, anybody can do this! I will be over explaining this work. At first it really did hold me up from actually starting. I was just planning and planning and writing on a loop. Then one day I just sat down and started. It was uncomfortable but I had to do it. And you know, once you pop the fun don't stop. My first object turned out really good but needed some adjustment, after that chile I was on a roll you hear me! I didn’t want to stop. Making each part became so fluid that I couldn't keep up with the ideas coming in. Up until the last moment, there was still that worried voice in my head that echoed over and over that I was a fraud but I soothed her by continuing to do so. I know that voice is just anxiety and old patterns and the only way to rewire my mind is to be consistent in my efforts to create.
I dropped my work off on Tuesday and felt nervous, relieved, proud and then anxious that someone wouldn’t handle it with care. All things knew weren’t true. I'm writing this the day before the show because this week has been busy. I'm not gonna post any pics or videos till next week though because I have to edit and what not. BUT I think I'm gonna write a poem or accompanying lore to post tomorrow for folks to read if they so choose.
Stay Curious,
Shug